Recently I realized that I had not heard from a (what I had always considered) good friend for a coupled of months. Prior to that we had been talking more than a few times a week. Now, I have known this friend since 1987, roomed with her, decorated her holiday tree for a number of years, went to seminars and workshops together, and talked often about our lives.

Thinking about how much our friendship means or meant to me, and wondering how much it means/meant to her brings up suppositions, conjecture, speculation about the basic meaning of friendship: where personality types factor in; needs of the one over the needs of the many; validation; importance of self etc etc etc.

The rules have changed.

I love my husband, but occasionally in our marriage certain behaviors altered leading to confusion in communication. Usually this means that HE changed some behavior on his part and I must adjust. In other words, the rules changed. It usually takes me a couple of weeks (up to 2 months) to figure it out! That would be an LOL moment if occasional frustration did not come along with the rule change.

So, it appears that the rules in my friendship have changed although it is not being talked about. Granted, she may be really busy and has not realized that so much time has passed. Or perhaps she is angry that I have not called her and is unwilling to make the first move. Or perhaps she has some kind of thing going on like “why would she call me since I am not worth it?”. Maybe we need a break.

Regardless, I cannot waste time thinking about it and am almost ready to move on.

It seems that hitting fifty was more than just a personal milestone. On the plus side, 20+ years with my marriage partner, the kids are increasingly into separate lives from us, enough money to be comfortable, everyone in our family is healthy. On the minus side, my friends are aging too and the chances of losing someone near and dear every year increases.

A friend of mine who I thought I would have around for many more years died two weeks ago. In the back of my mind I was thinking we would have more time to develop our friendship, to have dinners and sail dates, to sit and knit together, to have dinner at the club or just a drink and “hi how are you” conversation. It is hard to believe that I am not going to walk into Peet’s and see her on a Saturday morning with a cool bag on the needles. My heart leapt with joy every time I saw her. I was so inspired and just happy and content to sit next to her.

Now, I think about (but do not dwell on) my remaining time here and my friends. The quality of my interactions and of my personal time – what I choose to do – has to increase. The people who are important to me, and even those on the periphery, deserve the best attention that I can give them. My family deserves my very best. My daughters deserve every good example I can set for them. My husband deserves all of the respect and love and support I can possibly muster up for him. It will not happen every moment, but I can practice.

Why is it that most of us walking in this dimension do not get this lesson until we are into the second half? And some never do.

Everyone,

Beginning March 26th, the Coastal Repertory Theatre in Half Moon Bay will be producing “Brighton Beach Memoirs” by Neil Simon.  Audrey Nassar (’07) will be playing the part of Nora (the 16-year-old cousin of the main character).

Tickets are on sale now:  http://www.coastalrep.com/tickets.html

All shows are Friday 8pm, Saturday 8pm and Sunday 2pm.

Dates:  March 26, 27, 28 — April 2, 3, 4 — April 9, 10, 11 — April 16th (closing night)

Prices:  Range from $15 to $30 per ticket.

Audrey has said she will disown her friends if they don’t come – I hope all of you who enjoy Peninsula School’s theater program and other kid theater programs will come to see what a great foundation it is!  (Thank you Merrill and company!)  She will love to see you – the cast greets everyone after the performances.

Best regards,

The Proud Mom (Leann Nassar)

BRIGHTON BEACH MEMOIRS
Written by Pulitzer Prize and Tony Award winning playwright, Neil Simon, Brighton Beach Memoirs, is a coming of age comedy offering a hilarious portrait of the American family. Set in Brighton Beach, New York in 1937, this entertaining tale centers on 15-year-old Eugene Jerome; witty, perceptive, obsessed with girls and forever fantasizing about his baseball triumphs as a star pitcher for the New York Yankees. Through daily journal entries, the aspiring writer begins to understand the complexities of life, the need for family, and the humor in it all. ADULT Language and themes.

A first for us since having a second child: we spent our Christmas week away from home base in Northern Arizona in a timeshare. Grammer joined us for the week; we had a small live tree with purple lights and some fun small presents (all easy to pack in our bags for the flight home).

Highlights: Grammer and Kathryn playing Russian Bank and trash talking each other. The Grand Canyon with 2-3 feet of snow everywhere. Excellent sweet potato fries at the Sedona Pines Bistro. A white Christmas. Walking the vortex at Cathedral Rock. The mountains. The yarn shop in Jerome, AZ. Jerome, AZ built on the side of a mountain. Indian ruins (Wupatki, Montezuma’s Castle). The best darn cafe in the Verde Valley – great food.

I turned off the iPhone.

As compulsive as I am about email, that is a HUGE deal. Vacation is really supposed to be just that. Leave the real world alone (it will survive without me, although I may have 300+ emails waiting when I get back), sleep in, lay around in my jammies, have coffee I make, sit on the sofa and knit IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY without guilt.

That’s only a partial list of my ideal vacation. Here are some other points to consider:

VACATION = views (mountains, ocean, family faces, historical places), cozy accomodations (cottage, hotel room or cruiseship cabin), good coffee and coffee-maker, great shopping (window/art galleries), optional activities (walking, horses, tours, spa day, conversation, blogging), good food (home-cooked or eat out).

And, alone time.

For over 20 years, we have been paying bridge tolls for the car behind us. Think about that: driving up to the booth and someone already paid! (No small thing in the Bay Area, as we have 7 toll bridges that I can name right off the bat.) It was fun, and hopefully made a difference for those drivers.

Last night, someone paid for us! Wow.

It was a fabulous topper to an amazing afternoon and evening. Spencer and I drove to Alameda to get our boat, with the intention of moving her to Pier 39 and then taking the ferry/bus back to the car. We accomplished that, although it was about 5 hours later than we expected. More details on the other blog (ultimatecypher.wordpress.com).

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would be piloting my boat (our boat) across the San Francisco Bay on a clear, mostly windless night with the entire City and Bay Area lit up. And a moon and stars overhead. Words fail me.

Nothing like staring out the window when the weather is not quite stormy and not quite clear.

I am contemplating a pair of men’s socks and deciding what kind of toe to knit to complete these. I have already agonized for a year and a half over 1) choosing the yarn, 2) choosing the pattern, 3) HOW MANY STITCHES?, 4) pattern on the foot or not?, 5) ran out of yarn – what to feather in that will look like it belongs and NOW 6) the toe.

Add to all of this, that I sold these “hand-knit socks” at a school auction in March 2008. Poor Steve probably thinks he will NEVER get them (little does he know). I think they are going to turn out quite well.

Perhaps a sail would be a good make-up for the looooong wait?

Things are beginning to happen over there on the other blog.  Our sailboat, she be ours, in our hands, with sail hoisted on Friday.  Keeping fingers crossed that she will be in the water as planned, all repairs made and bound for Pier 39 harbor.

Miss K is working backstage for the Coastal Rep (Holiday Memories) as a logistical titan.  She loves it – what a great way to spend nights and weekends!

Miss A is almost done with her first college semester and is selling lots of beautiful things at Zero Meridian (I am so impressed).  She has also been working/performing with Blue Blanket Improv!

DH is browsing sailboat equipment web sites, in between consulting hours and regaling me with stories of boatyards, and provisions.

I am finally staying up a bit past my self-imposed bedtimes to the real sleep time.  And blogging.  And thinking about who to take sailing with us.  And composing an auction item for the Peninsula School Auction in March.  There are a few people there with some money who might like to have a nice sail on San Francisco Bay WITH brunch/lunch/souvenirs!  LOL.

DH and I are co-administering a blog for our new sailboat (officially ours sometime next week), Ultimate Cypher.  Check it out.  Watch for sailing info, tips, tricks, photos, cool gadgets and iPhone aps, provisioning lists, comments and what not.  Hoo boy.

In a flash moment, I thought of Patrick Swayze in the context of my life and touchstones.  It occurred to me that contemporaries of mine are dying.  In much the same way, someone in their 80s may have felt their mortality as well-known persons of their generation passed on.

My time is coming.  It may still be far off, it may not.  But no matter what, I am questioning what kind of legacy I might leave.  Folks speak of children being one’s legacy, but really that is such a small part.  I measure my legacy (and anyone else’s) by the friendships I have had, the generosity of my children (they MUST have gotten that from me), the pieces of creativity I scattered amongst my friends and acquaintances,  the little tasks I took on so someone else could skip them, the space of laughter that my body filled.

When I got my iTouch, it took a couple of weeks to decide what the engraving would be before I could order it.  It really resonates for me:  LIVE.  LAUGH.  LOVE.  KNIT.  I want my friends to say that I engaged and really lived – that I wasn’t just sitting around letting Life happen.  Shit happens, but to live you gotta get out there and be proactive.