Posted by: lbnassar | July 21, 2010

The Nature of Friendship.

Recently I realized that I had not heard from a (what I had always considered) good friend for a coupled of months. Prior to that we had been talking more than a few times a week. Now, I have known this friend since 1987, roomed with her, decorated her holiday tree for a number of years, went to seminars and workshops together, and talked often about our lives.

Thinking about how much our friendship means or meant to me, and wondering how much it means/meant to her brings up suppositions, conjecture, speculation about the basic meaning of friendship: where personality types factor in; needs of the one over the needs of the many; validation; importance of self etc etc etc.

The rules have changed.

I love my husband, but occasionally in our marriage certain behaviors altered leading to confusion in communication. Usually this means that HE changed some behavior on his part and I must adjust. In other words, the rules changed. It usually takes me a couple of weeks (up to 2 months) to figure it out! That would be an LOL moment if occasional frustration did not come along with the rule change.

So, it appears that the rules in my friendship have changed although it is not being talked about. Granted, she may be really busy and has not realized that so much time has passed. Or perhaps she is angry that I have not called her and is unwilling to make the first move. Or perhaps she has some kind of thing going on like “why would she call me since I am not worth it?”. Maybe we need a break.

Regardless, I cannot waste time thinking about it and am almost ready to move on.



  1. See, I didn’t find LHH to be all that helpful with the scientific side of things. The career advisors were completely unfamiliar with non-business oriented models of work. I pursued this with AB (I was separated in the first wave of the Dec 2008 layoffs) and told them that I required them to pay for a job-specific career assistance program. I won. They paid for the career service firm that I selected (in my area, both professionally and geographically).

    Funny enough though: AB(LT) had such a broad base in Cali and 400+ in MA, but when we were laid off, all of our stuff was Cali-based. Which was a problem. It was a problem when I was there as an employee too. Did you know I was laid off via Speaker-Phone b/c they were too cheap to fly in an HR rep?

  2. HI Kate,

    It’s too bad, I think LT/IVGN HR leaves a lot to be desired. They aren’t very sensitive at all.

    The speakerphone thing was not unusual.

    How is everything now?

    Best – Leann

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